“Hi Mike,

I just wanted to once again apologize for yesterday’s code review. I said and did some things I’m not very proud of.

First, I shouldn’t have insisted on conducting the review in Lojban. I guess I thought that it would help bring logical order to the process, which clearly didn’t happen. Moreover, assuming that you’re conversational (much less fluent) in Lojban was presumptuous on my part. U’u (oops, there I go again).

Second, I admit that it was unnecessary and somewhat over the top for to call you a “corporate whore” for using Java. I see now that even though it’s a deeply flawed language which only a deranged lunatic or a corporate shill with a questionable moral compass would want to use, it’s a department standard and, as such, should be followed.

Next, trying to inject you with “dependency juice” was a poorly thought out way to demonstrate the importance of dependency injection. Just to put your mind at ease, as far as I can tell, the chemical composition of dependency juice is largely fit for human consumption.

Along the same lines, I also really regret how I went about explaining a proper way to throw exceptions. I now know that throwing objects (or people) around the office is frowned upon in our department. Moreover, I was somewhat surprised to learn that writing things on people’s foreheads, especially in permanent marker, will not be well received irrespective of what is actually written.

But perhaps the thing that I want (and am legally obligated) to apologize for most is how our code review ended. Specifically, I really regret printing out the offending class and ritualistically burning it in front of you. This was probably unnecessary and, as I later came to find out, a safety hazard.

I thank you for your time and understanding.

Sincerely,

Bob”

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  3. May says:

    hey, i have a question, i know what Google guice is, but what is that actual “dependency juice” you injected into your colleague? 😛

    • Alex Tatiyants says:

      Hi May,

      First, thank you very much for reading. Second, I would love to answer your question, I really would. However, doing so would severely undermine both my 5th amendment rights as well as some cutting edge bio-engineering research. You know what, I may have said too much…